This may just be me - though I'm inclined to think it isn't - but I am not a patient person. At all. So much so that I would rather spring straight into the mouths of the lions than sit on the edge and think about a logical escape.
It sounds a bit crazy when you put it that way, and it's true - I'm not a huge fan of change, but it depends on what the change is. Ultimately, I would rather not wait around for it. I'm always excited for the next step, always ready to move on, always curious what's up ahead. I would like to think it's not a bad disposition to have - and maybe it isn't, in some ways, but when it comes to waiting on the timing of the Lord, I'm struggling.
I've been struggling a lot recently.
You've read Exodus before, or at least know the story - right? Moses is out in the desert herding sheep for 40 years, doing, in essence "nothing." Sometimes I feel like that: that I'm sitting at home doing schoolwork, dancing in the evenings, going to sleep and repeating the process. I like the structure of everyday life, but when week after week become the same routine, the same pattern almost to a T, I get restless. Ever heard the term "Monotony Kills"? It was coined for people like me. XD
This isn't about my personal struggles though - goodness knows you wouldn't want to read that (I wouldn't want to read that) - but it's about what I'm learning, what I need to say, and what I hope will help you as well. I dislike the phrase "everything happens for a reason," because more often than not it's a caveat for people who don't want to ask deeper, harder questions - but everything does happen for a reason. It's got to. And that means that the mundane days, days like today when I wake up with a sinking feeling in my heart because I know exactly how everything will play out and it will be another one of "those days" and there is nothing I can do to change it - I have to be reminded that there is purpose in the mundane. There is purpose in your waiting, whether it's for the chance to do what you truly want to do, for the right people to come into your life, for a time when you can breathe more easily - use the time wisely, yes, but even when you can't see an end to the tedium, praise.
There's a quote by Anne Lamott that I love, and it says that "if you aren't enough before the gold metal, you won't be enough with it." I have that written on a board behind my computer - you might want to as well. There will be days in your writing, your schoolwork, your everyday life that feel like straight up tedium - and you want to get to the fun part - but if you aren't enough without the prize, you won't be enough with it. Everyday cannot be gameday; even in the in betweens, the dulldrums, the mundane - let's praise.